Thoughts

It's funny the way some people, when you meet them, or even read about them, even for a moment, can change you. Make you see the world differently. Make you see yourself differently. I wonder if I will ever influence someone like that. If I will ever be a hero to someone. If not, I wonder if my life would be worth much. I think about my children and all that I want them to know. I want them to be better than I am. I want them to be leaders and follow their purpose in life. I worry that I damage them. Their freshness, their innocence and pure enthusiasm for life. I feel like I could do nothing greater with my life than to influence them for good, to inspire them. But, I also feel so unequal to this monumental task. It is not something that can be done in an hour or a week or a year. It must be built over a lifetime. A lifetime of patience and love and understanding. A lifetime of setting an example of who I truly am. Am I truly who I want to be? I have so many shortcomings, but I hope that my strenths will shine through. That they will remember the strengths.

Today Brian had an interview for a marketing director job in Provo. It sounds perfect for him. I waited anxiously for his call to tell me how it went, and I remembered the time right before we got married, he had a job interview in Logan, his first real design job interview. He was so nervous and I went with him. I sat in the truck in the parking lot and prayed for him. That's how I felt for him today.

I've started making felt flower hair clips to raise money for the kids' homeschool supplies and field trips. I spent a lot of time today making them. They are turning out really cute. While I sat there, Summer came in from outside and I asked her what she was doing. She replied, "Nothing. Just putting my pants on backwards." And when she was finished, she went back outside. I laughed. The kids spent every waking moment outside today. I love that they want to soak up every ray of sunlight before the winter comes again. I love how they explore their world.

I was late making dinner tonight, so Summer and Riley decided to make themselves a picnic and eat it upstairs under my desk. I guess they were hungry :).

Brian's interview went really well. They told him to propose his position and salary. Pretty much create his own job. We went out on the porch and brainstormed ideas for what he could do for the company. Now he is sitting by me in bed with his laptop, putting together his proposal and listening to his instrumental music. Cutie.